Jinkies! Boomer, Jennex, and GenZee solve the mystery of the Poltertree
“Okay, Boomer, whatever you say.” Jennex followed Boomer and GenZee into the Fireplace Bar and Grille. The three settled into a booth near the door.
The hostess brought two waters and two menus.
“Ahem.” Jennex cleared her throat loudly.
The hostess jumped. “Oh! Sorry, Jennex, I didn’t see you there.” Jennex nodded and smiled politely. “Millie Neal will be your server today. She’ll be right with you.”
Boomer continued his rant. “I’m simply saying that it helps to have a landline. In case of an emergency! You never know when cell service may be interrupted. What if your battery dies?”
GenZee looked up from his phone. “I feel you, Booms, no cap. Let’s just agree that the important thing is always you’re in contact with everyone. Did you know that all North American phone service was silenced during Alexander Graham Bell’s funeral in 1922?”
“Interesting. I’m starved,” said Jennex as she opened the menu.
“These prices! And we have to tip, too?” Boomer pulled several slips of paper from his wallet. “That’s okay. One of these lotto tickets is going to come through for me this week, guys. I can feel it.”
“Boomer! Those ticks low-key live rent-free in your mind, bruh. But hey, did you know the most drawn lotto ball is 38?”
“I knew that.” Millie Neal steps up to the table with a notepad. “What can I get for the Cohort?”
“Hey, Millie,” Boomer stares widely at Jennex, “do you guys have a landline here?”
“We do.”
“See.”
Jennex rolled her eyes. “See what? They’re a business.”
“Exactly.”
Without looking up, GenZee spoke to Millie Neal, typing wildly on his phone. “SHEEESH, Mills, it’s bussin’ in here. Is all this extra crowd because of the, you know, the thing?”
“It would seem so.”
“What thing?” Boomer and Jennex chime together.
“I can’t even with you two. Don’t you Insta?” GenZee waved his phone in their faces.
“Apparently,” Millie Neal explained, “a couple of nights ago some kids were walking home from the arcade through the forest and they were attacked by a tree. Like, some kind of haunted tree.”
“Are they okay?” asked Jennex.
“They are shaken up. The tree told them to never walk through the forest again AND to never tell anyone about their encounter. It was all over social media an hour later. It’s being called The Poltertree. Now everyone wants to see it. It’s never been so packed in here.”
“Jinkies,” Jennex said. “We’ll have a large order of wings with your signature Fireplace Fire Sauce, please, to share. Oh, and an extra plate for Boomer.”
“I don’t like to share. I keep to myself.”
“Sure, you do, Boomer.” Jennex smiled sheepishly.
“You got it.” Millie jotted on her pad. “I’ll put the order in with the kitchen, but another server will finish up with you. I am off to my other job.”
“Oh, at the computer store?” Asked Jennex.
“No, that’s my morning job. I’m off to the dog kennel tonight.” Millie Neal exited, untying her apron as she went.
GenZee licked his fingers. “This sauce just hits different.” Boomer and Jennex nodded, silently scarfing saucy wings.
Suddenly, three teen boys ran into The Fireplace. “We just saw it, it spoke to us!” They were frantic.
“What did?” Boomer coaxed them to a nearby table and sat down with them.
“The Poltertree! It chased us! We were walking north through the forest on our way to the arcade, but it chased us down this way!”
Jennex pulled a chair up to the table. “Did it attack you? Rob you? What happened?”
“No, it just yelled at us the whole way!”
“What did it say?”
“It said, ‘Don’t tell anyone about me! Get outta here and don’t say a word!’”
“Man, that’s pretty scary,” Boomer said. “You’re brave, telling us everything.” He patted one of the boys on the back.
“Yeah,” the boy replied. “Yeah, we are.” The three boys were starting to calm down and began grabbing their phones. “Chuck, you got Facebook and Twitter. Or like, X or whatever it is. I’ll get TikTok and WeChat.”
“Facebook and X?” Chuck looked perturbed. “Geez, I’ll get my mom to post on those. I’m rolling live on my YouTube channel. In three, two, …”
Wassup and thanks for tuning in to my channel. Don’t forget to hit subscribe and the little bell. You are never gonna believe…
“Did you guys want a ride to the arcade?” Jennex offered to one of the other boys.
“Nah, we’re fine.” He raised his hand toward one of the servers. “Can we get some wings over here?”
Jennex turned to her gang. “Well, Cohort, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“We need to check out this mystery,” said Boomer.
As evening became night, the forest outskirts were filling up with neighborhood thrill seekers. People brought lawn chairs and tents, settling in for a stakeout. The glow of phone screens lit the area. Servers from the nearby Fireplace were hiking down the hill to deliver burgers, wings, and drinks.
“Bet,” said GenZee.
~~~~~~~~
A server named Blake shouted to the crowd. “Tag The Fireplace on social media and get a free order of fries! Don’t forget to tag The Fireplace!”
“Do you have to tip if the fries are free? Let’s look over this way.” Boomer led Jennex and GenZee toward a tree a dozen yards deeper into the forest.
“Booms, don’t sleep on tipping. Hustlers gotta live,” GenZee stared for a moment at the area around the tree they walked up to. “This ain’t passing the vibe check, cuh.”
Jennex knelt on the forest floor. Fallen leaves were swept away exposing moist dirt. “This area has been seriously disturbed. Someone, or someTHING, has been hanging out here.”
“This is sus, guys. There’s a spot of something on the tree. It’s blood!” GenZee was leaning close to the tree with his phone to magnify a reddish spot.
Jennex leaned close. “I don’t think it’s blood.” She dabbed the spot with her finger and brought it toward her nose. She sniffed. Satisfied, she then touched her finger to her tongue. “Not blood. But I think I know what this is.”
Blake trotted over carrying a large plate of fries. “Boomer! GenZee! I brought a double order over. Assuming you BOTH tagged The Fireplace in a post?”
GenZee grabbed the plate from Blake. “Bet!” He looked back at Boomer and Jennex. “Not me hacking your accounts to tag up.” He winked. “But Blake, there’s three of us.”
“Three?”
Jennex put up her hand and waved.
“Oh, Jennex. Didn’t see you. I’ll bring another order with my next batch.” Blake scampered off.
“With some Fireplace Fire Sauce for dipping!” Boomer called out to him. “Am I supposed to tip you?” He yelled, but if Blake answered, Boomer couldn’t hear it over the shouting.
The crowd of thrill seekers, those still hanging around after midnight, were on their feet, shouting and pointing past the Cohort. “It’s there! I see it!” They were saying.
In the misty forest air, a smallish tree seemed to be moving toward them, walking on leg-like roots with branches for arms. It spoke loudly toward the crowd, as though through a megaphone.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!”
A young man was coming closer with his phone at arms-length, capturing video. “Did you hear that? It threatened me!” He called out toward the creature, “Did you threaten me?!”
“DON’T FILM ME! DON’T TALK ABOUT ME! NO SOCIAL MEDIA!”
The tree was sidling toward a group of close-growing trees. The Cohort ran toward the Poltertree, but it slipped behind a large trunk and appeared to vanish.
The Cohort was left standing in the thick of the trees, looking around for a clue.
“What’s this over here?” Jennex walked into the darkness.
“It’s an old drainage pipe,” Boomer said as he walked up from behind her. He stepped into the pipe. His hair brushed against the rounded top. “It’s pretty large. I wonder where it leads.”
Jennex stroked her chin and looked up the hill where the forest ended. She could just see the highway. “I think I know.”
Boomer and GenZee glanced up the hill where Jennex was looking. They nodded.
~~~~~~~~
The following morning, the Cohort was at Ruby Harbor Garage and Tackle getting an oil change on the van. Millie Neal slid out from under the van, stood up, and began wiping her hands on a towel.
“Well, gang, the oil change is complete. Looks like I need to change out some spark plugs. Be back in a flash.”
Boomer turned his iPad around to show Jennex and GenZee his screen. “I can make a net like this in a couple of hours. It’s basically a system of knots. I’m great at knots.”
GenZee, without looking up from his phone, said, “The trucker’s hitch knot is the most musical of all knots. It’s a bop.”
“I…I don’t think I understand that.” Boomer looked at him, confused, but GenZee didn’t look up.
“It means it’s a good beat. You know, it’s a bop.”
“Not what I meant.”
Jennex leaned in close. “Let’s keep our voices down.” Her eyes moved toward two high school kids leaning against the garage wall with their phones out. “We know what we are going to do, right? I’ll call the Sheriff and tell him when and where to meet us.”
Millie Neal walked up saying, “Well, you guys are all set. The van is good to go. Do you need anything else? I need to get going to my other job.”
“Are you going to The Fireplace? We will be in later tonight.”
“Nah, I’ve got a few hours at the funeral parlor. But I do have a short shift later tonight. Maybe I’ll see you then.”
~~~~~~~~
“The question is, what does this Poltertree want?” Boomer was thinking out loud as he and GenZee set up the net in the trap the Cohort had devised.
“Once we figure that out, we will know what is REALLY going on here,” Jennex replied.
“Yeet! Booms! You’re not yeeting the net high enough. It needs to be yeeted over the brackets at the top, see?”
“Nothing you say makes sense, Zee. Anyway, look, it’s all set up. I think we’re good.”
“Alright, gang,” Jennex crossed her arms across her chest. “Let’s head up to The Fireplace. Now, we wait.”
The Cohort sipped soda and snacked on fries while sitting silently in their favorite booth. Blake approached the table to ask if they needed anything else.
“No thanks, Blake. Where’s Millie? I thought she was working tonight,” Jennex asked.
“Oh, she is, a little later. The night clerk at the Ruby Harbor Motel is sick so she’s helping out for a couple of hours.”
“I see.”
Blake moved along, making his rounds in the busy restaurant. Jennex leaned in toward her friends. “It’s almost time, guys. The sheriff should be on his way to our meeting place. If my predictions are correct, something should be going down very soon.”
As if on cue, four exuberant women entered the Fireplace. They were huddled together around a single phone, as though they were all trying to be in view of the camera.
“…and the tree was like, ‘you better not be filming me’, and my friend, Karen, was like, ‘Oh, nuh uh tree b*tch, you better smile for my camera’ and my other friend, Karen, was like, ‘I’m about to call the cops to tell them that a tree – a tree who would not even be allowed on this land if it wasn’t for MY tax dollars – is threatening my very LIFE. And then the sheriff pulled up and I was like, ‘Oh, look at that, perfect timing’ but then when we tried to tell the sheriff the whole story, he shooed us away. So stay tuned for my GoFundMe page to support getting the Sheriff fired and for my pain and suffering. Thank you, Facebook Friends, for tuning in…”
After overhearing this Facebook Live, the Cohort was gathering up their things.
“We better go meet up with the Sheriff,” Boomer said.
~~~~~~~~
The crowds around the forest outskirts were thick just like the previous night. Ruby Harbor citizens were staked out with their tents and lawn chairs. The recent sighting had the watchers energized, looking for another appearance of the Poltertree.
Jennex greeted the Sheriff and Deputy and got right down to business. “I think I know how to draw out the Poltertree. This way, Gentlemen.”
Jennex and the rest of the Cohort led the officers to the freshly disturbed ground spot they had discovered previously. Jennex stood in the middle of the leafless area and jumped. Seeing the confused looks on the officer’s faces, Boomer knelt and started to swiftly brush away the moist dirt.
“Last night, I stood right here and I felt a ‘click’ under my feet,” Boomer explained as he revealed a corded, 3’ x 3’ pad under the ground. “It seems to be some sort of sensor that alerts when weight is on this area.”
“What are you doing here!”
The gang and the officers were startled. They turned to look deep into the forest and saw the Poltertree staring back at them. “Get out! Don’t tell anyone about me!”
The tree started sidling to the area thickest with trees, the same place in which it had vanished the night before.
The Sheriff prepared to chase the suspect tree but Boomer held up his arm, stopping him. “One second,” he said. Just then they heard a crash and a scream. Boomer released his arm and the whole group ran toward the sound.
Inside the large drainage pipe, the tree was caught up in the net the Cohort had prepped earlier that day.
The Sheriff spoke into his radio. “We need backup. We have caught the haunted tree. I repeat, the Poltertree has been apprehended.”
Jennex walked confidently up to the Poltertree caught in the net and turned back toward the Sheriff. “Only, this isn’t a Poltertree, Sheriff. In fact, it’s none other than….”
Jennex reached up toward the tree’s top branch and whipped the costume mask off the suspect, revealing the true culprit.
“Millie Neal!” The whole observing group cried in unison.
“That’s right, Sheriff. We began to suspect Millie when we found a spot on the tree back there. It looked like it could have been blood, but with closer inspection, there was no mistaking it. Someone had left blotches of signature Fireplace Fire Sauce on that tree. When we realized the Poltertree was probably escaping into the drainage pipe, here, I had GenZee hack the Ruby Harbor City Planning website to determine where this pipe leads. Sure enough, it runs right under The Fireplace.” The Cohort nodded in agreement, satisfied with a job well done.
The Sheriff looked at Millie Neal’s scared and ashamed face. “Why’d you do it, Millie?”
“It’s impossible to make ends meet in this town, Sheriff! I needed to drive more traffic to The Fireplace so I could get more hours and make more tips. My traditional social media campaigns weren’t working, so I had to try another approach.”
Boomer chimed in. “So, you created a monster to draw the crowd. You then told everyone NOT to post about it. Thus, ensuring its popularity.”
“Reverse psychology, Boomer. Works every time. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling generationals!”
“Alright, Millie,” the Sheriff said. “Your games are through. We’re going down to the station to figure out what to do with you. Is there anyone you need to call?”
“I have a few bosses to let know I won’t be in tomorrow.”
“Poor Millie. Well, gang, we may not have solved the economic crisis, but we solved the mystery of the Poltertree,” Jennex said.
“Another success. We really are great at this,” added Boomer.
“Uh oh, fam,” began GenZee.
“What?” chimed Boomer and Jennex.
“All the hot dogs have been swiped from the Ruby Harbor Hot Dog stand by the shore! Everyone is posting about it! Did you know hotdog buns were created during the 1904 St. Louis World’s Fair to keep people from burning their hands on the hot dogs?”
“I guess we have another mystery to solve. But, tomorrow. For now, let’s get some wings, then some rest,” Jennex said, as the group began to walk back toward The Fireplace.
“Do you tip at a hot dog stand? They leave out those jars but I always feel like a stand isn’t an appropriate tipping scenario. You’re basically serving yourself, ya know?”
“Okay, Boomer,” Jennex and GenZee said.
They all laughed.
~~~~~~~~
This story is intended as a fun way to poke at some generational stereotypes. It is in no way intended to cause offense, and I certainly hope it doesn’t. Leave a note in the comments if you’d like to read more like this, and what silly generational stereotypes I should include in the next one!