Guess what? When you experience a pregnancy in your 40s, it’s totally different than a pregnancy in your 20s!
I realize that is a completely obvious statement, but when I went through pregnancy at 44, I didn’t know all the ways it would be different, and some were unexpected. When searching the question online, what I found was mostly a lot of ways that becoming pregnant is more difficult later in life. I was already pregnant so that was useless for me.
So, here you go, all my greatest pregnant-old-lady wisdom. If you are in your 40s and pregnant, you might find my experience beneficial as you figure out how the heck you’re going to endure the physical challenges of pregnancy while your body keeps screaming at you that it wasn’t prepared to do this now!
It goes without saying, but every pregnancy is different and you may or may not have a similar experience to mine.
Also, I never had a pregnancy in my 30s, so if you know of ways pregnancy in your 30s differs from both the 20s and the 40s, please share that experience in the comments, I’d love to hear about it!
1. Name Calling
Let’s get this out of the way right from the start – you don’t feel like an old person but you are going to be called one.
Pregnancy over the age of 35 is referred to as geriatric. GERIATRIC! It’s a geriatric pregnancy. Go ahead and look up the definition of geriatric. It means relating to old people. That’s what it means. Click on ‘Images’, and you get pictures like this:
No offense to these lovely people, but they’re….they’re older than me.
Also, your file and various medical paperwork will refer to you as AMA. You’ll see those letters on everything, like a little secret code being passed around. It means Advanced Maternal Age.
You’re in the prime of your life! The 40s are the new 30s! Nobody outside of an Olivia Rodrigo concert is going to think you’re old!
Except for here. In the pregnancy world, you might as well be Methuselah. Just be ready to be called “old” constantly and in a variety of ways. Don’t take it personally.
2. Early Birth Plan
Maybe the most practical thing to understand about a geriatric pregnancy is the potential for an early birth plan. All risks are increased during an AMA pregnancy, as I bet you’re aware.
My doctor explained that in pregnancies with elderly mothers like myself, the risk of stillbirth toward the end of the gestation period increases dramatically. Therefore, she insisted that the pregnancy go no further than 39 weeks to mitigate that risk. Of course, I agreed, and by the time I reached 37 weeks, my old ass was more than grateful to cut the experience short.
3. Bladder Robustness
Technically I think it’s more of a pelvic floor issue, but I’m not a doctor so what do I know? I pee when I sneeze, okay! This is really common – stress incontinence is a typical product of pregnancy.
I have only anecdotal data, but I submit to you in all humility that a late-in-life pregnancy wreaks more bladder havoc than the twenty-something kind.
After having two kids in my 20s, I did experience the occasional leakage. But it was a minor and very manageable issue. I learned to cross my legs when I sneeze and I bought pantiliners by the gross. I had already given up cartwheels and trampolines years before, so no problem there.
During my 40s pregnancy, however, my bladder slowly weakened as the baby grew. By the third trimester, I had traded my little bitty pantiliners for a slightly larger incontinence pad. By the last two weeks, and for the first couple of post-pregnancy months, I had a serious incontinence problem. Essentially, if my bladder became full, it simply emptied itself. So I was regularly making pre-emptive toilet trips to keep the water levels below the disaster line. TMI?
The situation has much improved with time and some regular kegel workouts, but in all honesty, my bladder is – one might describe it as geriatric. While not a major problem, it is a fact that I have had to adjust to. My doctor says surgery is my best bet for real relief. I’m considering the option but it’s not on my calendar just yet. We’ll see how things go, so to speak.
4. Stomach Shape Resilience
I’m a curvy woman with possibly above-average abdominal wall muscle. That is true although I am quite a bit curvier, some might say chubbier, than I was 20 years ago. Due to my tightish abs, I spent much of my 20s pregnancies not looking pregnant. In other words, my abdominal integrity held the line pretty well.
Which is more than I can say for my 40s pregnancy.
One of the first unusual things I noticed in my third pregnancy was how quickly my belly was beginning to pooch out. I couldn’t button my jeans just 8 weeks in.
I learned that if the abdominal fascia is damaged or weakened, it simply might not hold the belly tight as easily. While I don’t know with certainty the state of my own abdominal fascia, I can assume that with time, the chances that the fascia has been weakened increases. I suspect mine is like a ten-year-old hair tie that’s all stretched out and thin.
Not only did my pregnant belly get larger much quicker, but as I write this now, 13 months post-pregnancy, my stomach has not yet regained its former flatness – a somewhat not-so-flat flatness to be sure, but still. I’m not sure it will ever smooth down to its before state.
The tradeoff, fortunately, is that I also have the healthy body acceptance of a mid-forties woman who recently gave birth to a child. Take that, 20s!
5. Energy Level
I cannot stress this enough: I didn’t know what tired truly was until I was pregnant in my mid-40s.
Oh, I was tired during my 20s pregnancies, no question about it. Pregnancy is tiring no matter what. But this 40s pregnancy tired is some next-level tired.
I was so incredibly tired that I could not empty the dishwasher without multiple breaks. A toilet trip would take several minutes as I gathered the energy to stand back up. I was genuinely afraid that I would not be able to care for a toddler. How could I? I got winded brushing my teeth!
The good news is that I have recovered much of my energy and am the normal amount of tired for a woman in her forties chasing a toddler around.
6. Pregnancy Anxiety
One thing I read over and over again while pregnant was that a 40s pregnancy carries an increased risk of miscarriage and other complications.
Anxiety during pregnancy is very common regardless of maternal age. I don’t think my later-in-life pregnancy anxiety was especially great. What exasperated the concern was the sense that, if I were to lose this pregnancy, I might not have a chance to try again. I had gotten used to, and excited about, having another child. Any pregnancy loss is devastating. But a loss so late in life was likely to spell the end of the whole idea.
A tool I used to manage my miscarriage anxiety was the Miscarriage Odds Reassurer, found here. Rather than displaying the risk of miscarriage, the tool shows the chances of not miscarrying, which are decidedly high even in older mothers. It also displays the day-by-day data, demonstrating that each passing day presents a lower risk of miscarriage. I found it calming and used it daily for the first half of my geriatric pregnancy.
Besides miscarriage, anxiety over other potential complications was also high, as I reminded myself how old my eggs and my body were. For these stressors, I recommend seeking support from your partner, doctor, friends, and/or family.
Another thing that helped ease my anxiety was watching “I didn’t know I was pregnant” stories on TLC and YouTube. They really drive home the fact that the majority of pregnancies go off without a hitch.
7. Financial Stability
Often cited as one of the benefits of later-in-life pregnancy is the financial stability that an older woman, and often an older couple, enjoys.
It’s not true for everyone but I can say it was absolutely true for me. Finances were a significant stressor during my 20s pregnancies while I didn’t think about money at all during my 40s pregnancy. Financial insecurity was replaced by career concerns in my case, and that might be likely and expected in older pregnancies. But given the choice between the two worries, I’ll take the latter every time.
8. Career Impact
A 20s pregnancy will feel impactful to one’s career plans. Everyone’s situation is different but I share my experience here. Early-in-life pregnancy career impacts, I believe, are most impactful in terms of delays. I suggest the career impact of a late-in-life pregnancy is potentially more intense.
Financial stability and a stable career may present some comfortable options: a modest maternity leave and a full-time nanny, or exercising the stay-at-home mom plan, either short- or long-term.
Of course, there are other options, variations, and nuances, but I’m trying to make a point, you understand. The point is simply this: significant alterations to a career later in life might have a higher impact.
I will speak for myself and what I feel I am currently experiencing. I am not sure I will ever truly return to full-time career building. I hope to spend the next few (or several) years opting for part-time or low-stress full-time work so I can focus more of my time and energy on parenting. Considering that choice for myself, coupled with my age, I question whether I will return to my former career path at all. I feel that I am experiencing the closing of doors in terms of career, a feeling I never had while taking time away from my career to care for children in my 20s.
9. Mental/Emotional Readiness
Like financial stability, emotional readiness is also often described as a benefit to an older pregnancy, and again, it was true for me. I was more mentally and emotionally prepared for my late-in-life baby. I don’t think I actually knew how unprepared I was for my first two until I was awaiting my third.
One thing I kick myself about regarding my first two kids is how I kept wishing them older. I couldn’t wait to get to the next stage. I couldn’t wait for them to walk, be potty-trained, tie their own shoes, or grow out of their car seats. All of these milestones marked ease for me. I regret that.
With my newest little one, most likely my last, I am more apt to enjoy the current stage rather than looking forward to the next. I cherish each development as she flies through them one by one.
Time is a brutal thing when you get older. The stages all seem so fleetingly short now.
10. Partner Readiness
A pregnant woman’s mental, emotional, and financial readiness are all important, but what about her partner’s readiness? This is sometimes overlooked.
Having a supportive partner is incredibly valuable during any pregnancy, especially during a pregnancy that is high-risk and physically taxing. Simply having a partner who is not particularly concerned about finances, as well as feeling emotionally and mentally prepared for parenthood is immensely relieving for the pregnant partner.
In an older pregnancy, there is simply a greater chance to have a truly ready partner, just as there is a greater chance to have a truly ready pregnant mother. This assumes a partner of similar age, of course.
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Well, that’s 10! That was what I experienced. If you had a different experience, or think I missed something important, please share. Hell, even if you want to agree with my list. I’m curious how typical my 40s pregnancy was. We elderly, geriatric AMAs need to form a club or something.
Here‘s a little more about me and my post-old-lady-pregnancy life.
Want some fun ways to spice up your Kegel workouts? Try this post.